THE GIRL WHO NEVER EXISTED
Lucy was anxious as she sat outside the Principal’s room, she felt restless on the cold bench, when she heard someone open the Principal’s door. She saw a lady in her early thirties coming out of the room; she had a bandage on the right side of her head and looked both angry and sad. She was followed by a nun who wore the official white and black robes and said to her
“Teacher, we have to probe better in to the situations. I agree that a mistake was made, but it happened so suddenly and we have already informed his mother, she will be….”
The nun took notice of Lucy, who stood up seeing the nun and the lady approaching her. The nun looked at her apprehensively and asked: “Lucy?”
Lucy nodded, the nun looked at the teacher and she left the place, leaving the nun and Lucy behind. The nun opened the half door to her office and Lucy went in, the nun followed and said (gesturing the seat opposite her office table while sitting herself):” I am Sister Matilda, the Principal of this school. I had to call you regarding your son.”
Lucy: “Why, what happened?”
Matilda: “This matter is serious; to attack a teacher is the least we can tolerate here. Robert is a smart kid, there’s no denying it, that’s why we had no problems in admitting him here, but these kinds of behaviors….”
Lucy (half rising from the chair): “Rob attacked a teacher?”
Matilda:” We need you to stay calm. The lady you saw who just exited my room was his teacher Rose. Today in class, she found Robert looking towards the glass of the window constantly and even after repeatedly asking what he was looking at, he didn’t respond. At last when she asked by going near him, he threw the toy near him on her face, it missed her eyes and hit the forehead. As a matter of fact, he insisted that he didn’t want to do this but did it as a girl told him, but there were no girls sitting near him, so we had to call you. We would recommend you take him to a psychiatrist, we cannot allow him to continue here…”
Lucy: “But he is just a boy, may be…how can you do this to me? You know that I lost my husband only recently and have a tough time to raise him...?”
Matilda:” I know what you went through, but the safety of people here should be my primary concern. Robert is not talking to anyone after this and he just sits in his seat after we told that we were going to call you. I want you to take him to a good psychiatrist and give him better treatment so he can come back as a better person.”
Lucy could feel the tears flowing down her cheeks. She said ‘Thank you’ and left the room. She could see Robert, a boy of nearly eight years in his uniform, sitting on the bench she had earlier occupied. He was facing down. Lucy went near him and touched his shoulders. He slowly looked up and she took his hand. He stood up and they both started walking towards the corridor that leads to the schools exit.
Dr. Jones sat in his office facing Lucy who was anxiously looking at the doctor for answers.
Jones:” Well, I talked to Robert, seems like he couldn’t think much before he reacted. He didn’t mean to attack the teacher, but he needs proper treatment.”
Lucy: “Are you suggesting he is having mental disorders?”
Jones: “You should face this situation with a bit more courage; he is suffering from schizophrenia if I am not wrong. Robert is not able to say the difference between what is real and what is not. For instance, he says he saw a girl standing on the window sill outside his class asking him to come and play with him. He told yellow maple leaves were falling all around her and when the teacher told him to look away from the window, she asked him to throw the toy at her. He said he could just obey and had no other choice. We know that we don’t have any maple trees here and no girl could stand on the window sill either, so this is a character from his imagination. The accident his father faced may have affected him. Do you have anyone with this condition in either of the families?”
Lucy:” I don’t know doctor neither do I care. I want him to be normal. I want him back as he was.”
Jones: “We may need antipsychotic medication that can suppress dopamine receptor activity that will help him. Does he have problems in speaking or anything unusual that you can tell me?”
Lucy:” Well, he speaks less, especially after what happened at the school, he prefers to stay alone. At times, he just looks at me and whispers something and again gazes somewhere as if he is seeing or listening to someone or something. Initially I thought things will change, but things were not, that’s why I took him to the hospital and they suggested your name. Will he be ok doc?”
Jones: “Well, let’s keep realistic opinions here, I am prescribing the medicines, make sure he has them regularly and I would like to see him again after say a week or two. We may need psychotherapy, vocational and social rehabilitation later if needed, I assure you those will be just a matter of time. Moreover he needs patience, love and care from you and all, it’s a tough situation, so I would suggest you to take a week off from work and stay with him. He needs your care and support more than any medicine, keep patience with him.”
Lucy nodded, not sure how much she understood or how much she wanted to, while the doctor prescribed the medicines. She felt as if the world was going black all around her.
Lucy was reading a book to Robert; they were both lying on a bed. Robert was lying close to Lucy when he asked:” Will the sound stop Mommy?”
Lucy was surprised to see him speak bit clearly, though he sounded tired, she asked: “What sound dear?”
Robert (looking to her eyes):” The scratching sound…She is making it…She wants me to play with her…I can’t….”
Lucy held him tight and said: “All will be fine dear…The sound will stop.”
Lucy didn’t know what she could do, as far as she could hear there was no noise at all and the imaginary girl also was part of the illness, she really wanted all of this to end soon. She could feel deep breaths from Robert and understood that he fell asleep. She slowly placed his head on the pillow, kissed his forehead and went to the kitchen and took a coffee. She took a sip and came to the bedroom to find the bed was empty.
Lucy felt she would faint when she saw that the door to the balcony was open and she could see Robert on the edge of the balcony, hands stretched and about to plunge down. Lucy flung herself to the balcony, the coffee glass fell down and broke to pieces spilling coffee all over and got Robert just a second before he was about to fall, he was shivering and so was she, as she pulled him to the bedroom and closed the balcony door and bolted it. She was feeling breathless and tired. After placing the sleeping Robert on the bed, she fell to the ground and cried loudly.
Dr. Jones was tensed as he slowly paced around his room. He had received the call from Lucy and he had told that he will increase the doze of medicines for Robert; though he didn’t like the idea of increasing medicine doss for a child of eight years. Meanwhile he insisted that Lucy to never leave Robert alone and always keep him with her. Lucy was really freaked out and she wanted the sun to rise to take Robert to hospital. She sat on the verge of the bed, afraid to sleep, though her eyes felt tired and her head kept drooling, she yawned and kept her eyes open. Some lights were flickering and a clinking sound of metal could be heard. Lucy suddenly opened her eyes, she didn’t knew when she fell asleep, she could see Robert standing in front of her, holding a 6 inch kitchen knife in his right hand. He was staring blankly at Lucy.
Lucy:” Honey, what are you doing with that, it’s not something to play with, please, put it down.”
Robert: “She will kill you with this knife Mommy…She kills everyone with this knife, I need to throw it away. I can’t let her come near you.”
Lucy:” She is not here Rob…Listen to Mommy…put that knife down…take it easy…Look at Mommy…please.”
Robert:” I can’t Mommy, she is here.”
With a quick slash Robert plunged the knife in to his neck, on the left side; blood spurted out all over his clothes and the room.
Lucy:” No…..” She flung herself around Robert and pulled the knife out, the wound was deep and blood was flowing out. She tore open the bed sheet and covered his neck to prevent the blood flow. She half carried Robert and called for an ambulance over the phone. She didn’t know how she ran downstairs and opened the door, and within seconds an ambulance came. Two men shifted Robert to the ambulance and Lucy too entered. The ambulance left to the hospital.
The doctor came out of the operation theatre and looked at Lucy. His face was expressionless when he told the expectant looking Lucy :” I am sorry, we tried our level best, but the wound was deep and too much blood was lost. We lost him by the time he reached the theatre.”
The funeral of Robert was done in the local church Sunday morning. Lucy couldn’t sit at home and so she insisted that she would be in the church till evening, where she could see the freshly cut mound of mud, under which Robert was now resting. Dr. Jones had paid a visit saying that he never expected the illness to grow to such a big level in a short period of time. Around six, the priest came and said her that she has to leave. She left the church and went near the funeral ground to find that the ground was entirely covered with yellow maple leaves. More leaves were falling out from nowhere, as if maple trees were there, but no trees could be found. Lucy felt a shiver run through her spine. She heard a small sound behind her and looked behind. A young girl of around 10 years was standing there, she was so pale that she felt like moonlight and had deep black circles beneath her eyes. She wore a red frock with white flowers and black dots.
Lucy:”Who are you?”
The girl smiled, took the six inch kitchen knife in her hand and said: “He wouldn’t let me near you and now he is gone…Now we have lots of time to play…”
