The job aspirant Raj sits down.
Raj:”Good morning Sir.”
Interviewer: “Introduce yourself”
(The interviewer shuffles through Raj’s resume)
Raj:” My name is Raj, I am 22
years old, I come from a traditional Hindu family in West Bengal. I have
studied engineering, and before that I have studied plus two and even before
that I passed 10th and…”
Interviewer: “Well, can you just
tell me your hobbies?”
Raj :”My hobbies include gymming,
body building, watching movies”
Interviewer: “Let’s get to the
technical part. Can you explain why a diode transmits AC current and not DC?”
(Raj draws a diode like below:)
Raj:” AC current is (waves his
hand like sinusoidal curves) so it jumps above the diode junction and passes; while
DC is straight, it comes and hits the triangle of diode and falls down.”
Interviewer (shocked):” What do
you hate to do in computers?”
Raj:”I don’t like to clean the
keyboard.”
Interviewer:”What are your
assets?”
Raj:”I do own a bike.”
Interviewer:”Give me an instance
where you have showed leadership skills.”
Raj:”In online gaming,especially
in Criminal case,without cheat engine.”
Interviewer:”Are you on a notice
period in your job?”
Raj:”No, I got fired.”
Interviewer:”Do you have any
crime records?”
Raj:”Once I stole a pig, but it
was a small one.”
Interviewer:”How will you show loyaltyif
we ever hire you?”
Raj:”I will tattoo the company
logo on my forearm…You do have a logo right?”
Interviewer:” Yes, we do..Will
you be able to work on weekends?”
Raj:” Well, I booze on
weekends,but I can work because you have less clowns telling you what to do”
Interviewer:” What is or are your
weakness?”
Raj:” I don’t have any
weakness..I have a current girlfriend and she will be able to..”
Interviewer: ”Never mind….
Where do you see yourself after three years?”
Raj:” In your chair, asking the
same stupid questions to some one else.”
Interviewer:” And your strengths,
I mean in a work environment?”
Raj:” Amongst my strengths are
determination, passion and an ability to down a pitcher of beer in record time.”
Interviewer:” Can I have a
referee who can refer you for this job?”
Raj:” Can I use family members as
referees?”
Interviewer:” No, may be your
former employer or someone who knows you from your last job?”
Interviewer:” What made you
interested in our company?”
Raj:” The reason I want this job
is, despite the job being mundane and the company boring, it is near my home.”
Interviewer:” You have put Pearl in your resume,how would you rate yourself in that?"
Raj:"I didn't knew I had that in my resume..Good to know"
Interviewer:"It says here you like opera...Where do you see this in India?"
Raj:"Well,I don't know what opera is...Just wanted to make my resume a bit sophisticated and different from the last time I used my resume."
Interviewer:"How important do you think is salary for you?"
Raj:"Very much,indeed my gambling debts are increasing."
Interviewer:"What are the things you think when you are alone in a car?"
Raj:"I can never be alone in a car,I don't know how to drive a car."
Interviewer:"A penguin walks in through that door wearing a sombrero just now and stands near me..What do you think the penguin is doing?"
Raj:"May be conducting my next interview round."
Interviewer:"If a code took 4 men to code in 7 days,how long will it take for you alone to code it?"
Raj:"As it's already coded,0 days. I always like it that way"
Interviewer:" What's the major priority for you in this job?"
Raj:"It is to get paid as much for doing as little."
Interviewer:" What's your qualifications for getting all this?"
Raj:"I am a man filled with passion and integrity,I can act on short notice. I am a class act and it doesn't come cheap"
Interviewer:" What about your salary history then?"
Raj:" I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and also lost money. I have been rich and poor and I prefer being rich."
Interviewer:"Do you have any references, may be a former boss/colleague?"
Raj:"No, I have left a path of destruction behind me."
Raj:"May be conducting my next interview round."
Interviewer:"If a code took 4 men to code in 7 days,how long will it take for you alone to code it?"
Raj:"As it's already coded,0 days. I always like it that way"
Interviewer:" What's the major priority for you in this job?"
Raj:"It is to get paid as much for doing as little."
Interviewer:" What's your qualifications for getting all this?"
Raj:"I am a man filled with passion and integrity,I can act on short notice. I am a class act and it doesn't come cheap"
Interviewer:" What about your salary history then?"
Raj:" I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and also lost money. I have been rich and poor and I prefer being rich."
Interviewer:"Do you have any references, may be a former boss/colleague?"
Raj:"No, I have left a path of destruction behind me."
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