എന്താ പറയുക..ചിലര്ക്ക് മലയാളം പറയാൻ ഭയങ്കര മടി ആണ്. മലയാളം പറഞ്ഞാല നാടുകാർ വില കൊടുക്കില്ല എന്നാണ് ഈകൂട്ടർ വിചാരിക്കുനത്..അവരുടെ ഇംഗ്ലീഷ് ഭാഷ കേട്ടാലോ പെറ്റമ്മ സഹിക്കില്ല
Person1:"I am the not comming (stress) office"
Person2:"What is your because?" (asking the reason)
*********************************************
When the lift opens, a girl(Malayali) will point her finger up and ask:"Is this lift going down,I mean up?"
************************************************
When in lift,at the extreme last a Malayali on bluetooth phone.."Yeah,okay...aha...thats so cool"
Lift opens and about to close,the guy jumps out saying:"Thalle,enikkiranganda floora,aaliranganam"(all those in front have to move back)..Its even more fun if he has a laptop in his hand(half opened) that kicks everyone else
******************************************************************
A girl on phone:"Yes, I want a lipstick like this one,same color"
Other end:"Which one madam?"
Girl:"Edo...ente kaiyyil ulla athe niram...pottan"
********************************************************************
Guy1:" Da Dark Knight 3 vannitund...Njan ticket book cheyyatte?"
Guy2:"Vendada...Njan 1 and 2 kandittilla...Enikkonnum manasilavilla"
Guy1:"Pinne ...enikkenna koppu manasilayitta...Nalla penpilleru varum avare vai nokkam..Pinne padam,Batman varumbozhum,bike/car varumbozhum kai adichonam..Pinne baaki ullavar chirikkumbo
neeyum chirichonam...Simple anu aliya"
***********************************************************************
Guy1:"Ninakku ettavum ishtapetta padam ethannu avalu choicha nee enthu parayum?"
Guy2:"Elsamma enna aankutty"
Guy1:"Thengaa...nee enna gay ano ankuttyai ishtapedaan? Eda Silence of the Lambs ennu parenam.."
Guy2:"Athenna padama"
Guy1:"Athonnum ariyilla,kainja divasam TVyil parasyam vannappo Oscar kitya van padama ennokke paranju..Avalu vijarikatte nee puli anennu..Katha onnum parayan nikkanda"
******************************************************************************
Guy1:"Nee enthinaada ee Audi A6 EMI online nokkunne?"
Guy2:"Oru Nano polum vangaan cash illa...Ennalum irikkatte..Kaanunna avanmaar onnu asooyapedatte.."
*********************************************************************************
Guy1:"Njanum Dulquer Salmaanum orumichu padichathannu njan avalodu paranju...avakkippo ennai bhayangara vilayaa."
Guy2:"Athinu nee ivde Muttuchira boys malayalam medium alle padiche ente koode..Avde Dulquer eppozha padiche?"
Guy1:"Nee athonnum ini vilambanda...Ootyilaa padichathenna avalodu paranje..aval enthayalum Dulquerinodu choikkillallo..Nee ayittu parayandirunna mathi"
*********************************************************************************
Guy1:"Ithennada ithinum mathram certificate...CCNA okke ano?"
Guy2:"Thenga...Supply ezhuthiya paperinte okke mark sheeta..ippo ithu kondu oru pusthakamm undakam"
*********************************************************************************
Guy (in autorickshaw): "Chetta,Nila"
Driver:" Sir kaichittu pokuvano?"
Guy:"Alla...enikku US timingla joli..ippol poyaal mathi"
Driver:"Avde ennatha pani?"
Guy:"Software engineer anu."
Driver:"Nammal ee software undakkuvalle avde...athengana avarkku ayachu kodukkane?"
Guy(in mind:"Kadalaasil pothinju) : Athu mail vazhi ayakkum
Driver:Oh,appo ithu kure divasam edukkoole angu chellan?"
Guy:"Illa...email cheyyum...oru 2-3 minute.."
Driver:"Bhayangara sambhavam analle...ivde ee computer padicharkke pattoo alle."
Driver turning towards Bhavani
Guy::"Athe..Chetta..Nila..Edathottu ponam"
Driver:Njan ee softwarinte karyam kettappo sthalam marannu..."
***************************************************************************
Relative:"Evdaa joli?"
Guy:"Technoparkilaa"
Relative:"Aha...parkilano..Avdoru Reejayai aryamo?"
Guy:"Ethja company?"
Relative:"Athonnum areela..Nalla veluthitta...Ningal okke kandittundavum."
Guy:"Ariyilla...avdorupaadu companikal undu...athilokke kure Reeja kanum"
Relative:"Oh...ivnokke kure nalayi Technoparkil cherakunnu...Reejayai ariyilla.."
****************************************************************************
Guy (chatting with his friend complaing about TL): Woh saala BC kuch nahi kartha hai...Kuthe ka **** hai"
Accidentally sends it to TL(as that chat window is also open)
TL: "Are you talking about me?"
Guy:"No, about my roommate sir...Window changed"
TL:'Oh ok,i thought it was me...Don't be so angry..Enjoy"
****************************************************************************
Guy: This code will not work"
TL:"Did you test?"
Guy:"Yes,it failed"
TL:"Okay...can you run once again?"
*****************************************************************************
Manager Review:" You have been an excellent resource...Keep up the good work."
Guy:"Thank you sir"
Manager:"However our company needs more compassion and ability to take risks from you.So your hike is 1%"
Guy:"But you only told me there should not be any risks"
Manager:"Calculated risks..In the approach followed by management, the formula we use has a normalization of equality coefficients of resources on a particular scale of improvised performers..As per that the hike has come...Any questions?"
Guy:"No Sir...I didnt understand anything you said,but thanks for 1 % hike,i can buy an Audi now."
***********************************************************************
A girl in lift:"I never use this Malayalam language..Such a cultureless language you know"
A guy accidentally steps on her foot and says sorry
Girl:"Ammai....Kannu kaanaan meledo..Chavitti methikkuvanallo"
***********************************************************************
Girl:"Ninakku Italian ano Mexican anodaa ishtam?"
Guy:Athu pinne?"
Girl:"Or Chinese...tell me whats your favourite dish?"
Guy:"Athee masala dosa"
**********************************************************************
Uncle:Enthada ninte future plans?"
Guy:"Njan mikkavarum next month USil povum ( swapnathil)..Avde oru 1 month oru conference undu..Veroru joli nokkanam..Oru Civic car nokunnundu..ishtapetta vangum."
Uncle:"Midukkan...avan njan vijaricha pole alla...valya alayi poi"
*************************************************************************
IT Guy: " I will be on sick leave."
Another guy:"What happened?"
IT Guy:" Both my nose are having cold"
**************************************************************************
Manager:"Why didn't you come yesterday?"
IT Guy:"I was on sick leave, was unwell"
Manager:" That is okay, but plan not to get sick...You are not supposed to be sick."
***************************************************************************
While heading a team for some activities, a senior IT guy had to join the team.
His mail: My name is Guna Shekhar. Everyone calls me Guna (well that's your name, that's what they call you)
I am very interesting to join (do you know what that mean even???) and co ordinate with the team.(I am privileged)
***************************************************************************************
One IT guy coming from bar , sees a car parked with registration: CH 26 (Chandigarh registration)
He says: "Look, CH , Changanacherry registration (Changanacherry is a small town in Kerala)
*****************************************************************************
An IT guy got a pepper spray for his wife's friend. Another IT guy came and asked :"What is this?"
First guy(simply): "We will make omelette at night, who will search for pepper powder, we will spray this."
Second guy:"Wow...good.." (He sprays a bit on his hand and licks then BUAAHHHHHHH)
******************************************************************************
An IT girl Soumya Nath needed to update her resume. She took her friend Praveen Rai's resume and did a search for Praveen and replaced it with Soumya.
Result: it became resume of Soumya Rai (including her address being same as Praveen's, parents name too etc)
********************************************************************************
An IT guy Salim had a car accident, his car hit badly on a big stone in the middle of the road. His friend Ganesh asked about the same.
Ganesh : "You didn't see the big stone, it was in the middle of the road"
Salim:"I saw it, I assumed that the stone will go in between the tyres and my car can go above that stone."
That's why assumptions are always bad.
*********************************************************************************
One guy needed another person to move his head a bit to open cupboard door without hitting the other guy's head and said :"Please remove your head"
*********************************************************************************
One guy is angry and types email : "It is I (not me) who is to get irritated"
*********************************************************************************
Another guy for giving gift to a mate is collecting money. In email he types:"All payments are maid (instead of made) in cash."
*********************************************************************************
IT guy: "We were told to Manav" (instead of we were told by Manav)
********************************************************************************
IT Guy: "Now what are you doing nowadays? We are stucking and she can't able to run"
*********************************************************************************************
IT Guy: "I am go throughing it" (instead of going through it)
********************************************************************************************
IT Guy: "When you will be deliver?" (regarding delivering a code)
********************************************************************************************
IT Guy:"now i am enter in account " (means Now I am able to enter in the account
*********************************************************************************
IT guy:"Who commanded this code?" (instead of commented)
*********************************************************************************
Person1:"I am the not comming (stress) office"
Person2:"What is your because?" (asking the reason)
*********************************************
When the lift opens, a girl(Malayali) will point her finger up and ask:"Is this lift going down,I mean up?"
************************************************
When in lift,at the extreme last a Malayali on bluetooth phone.."Yeah,okay...aha...thats so cool"
Lift opens and about to close,the guy jumps out saying:"Thalle,enikkiranganda floora,aaliranganam"(all those in front have to move back)..Its even more fun if he has a laptop in his hand(half opened) that kicks everyone else
******************************************************************
A girl on phone:"Yes, I want a lipstick like this one,same color"
Other end:"Which one madam?"
Girl:"Edo...ente kaiyyil ulla athe niram...pottan"
********************************************************************
Guy1:" Da Dark Knight 3 vannitund...Njan ticket book cheyyatte?"
Guy2:"Vendada...Njan 1 and 2 kandittilla...Enikkonnum manasilavilla"
Guy1:"Pinne ...enikkenna koppu manasilayitta...Nalla penpilleru varum avare vai nokkam..Pinne padam,Batman varumbozhum,bike/car varumbozhum kai adichonam..Pinne baaki ullavar chirikkumbo
neeyum chirichonam...Simple anu aliya"
***********************************************************************
Guy1:"Ninakku ettavum ishtapetta padam ethannu avalu choicha nee enthu parayum?"
Guy2:"Elsamma enna aankutty"
Guy1:"Thengaa...nee enna gay ano ankuttyai ishtapedaan? Eda Silence of the Lambs ennu parenam.."
Guy2:"Athenna padama"
Guy1:"Athonnum ariyilla,kainja divasam TVyil parasyam vannappo Oscar kitya van padama ennokke paranju..Avalu vijarikatte nee puli anennu..Katha onnum parayan nikkanda"
******************************************************************************
Guy1:"Nee enthinaada ee Audi A6 EMI online nokkunne?"
Guy2:"Oru Nano polum vangaan cash illa...Ennalum irikkatte..Kaanunna avanmaar onnu asooyapedatte.."
*********************************************************************************
Guy1:"Njanum Dulquer Salmaanum orumichu padichathannu njan avalodu paranju...avakkippo ennai bhayangara vilayaa."
Guy2:"Athinu nee ivde Muttuchira boys malayalam medium alle padiche ente koode..Avde Dulquer eppozha padiche?"
Guy1:"Nee athonnum ini vilambanda...Ootyilaa padichathenna avalodu paranje..aval enthayalum Dulquerinodu choikkillallo..Nee ayittu parayandirunna mathi"
*********************************************************************************
Guy1:"Ithennada ithinum mathram certificate...CCNA okke ano?"
Guy2:"Thenga...Supply ezhuthiya paperinte okke mark sheeta..ippo ithu kondu oru pusthakamm undakam"
*********************************************************************************
Guy (in autorickshaw): "Chetta,Nila"
Driver:" Sir kaichittu pokuvano?"
Guy:"Alla...enikku US timingla joli..ippol poyaal mathi"
Driver:"Avde ennatha pani?"
Guy:"Software engineer anu."
Driver:"Nammal ee software undakkuvalle avde...athengana avarkku ayachu kodukkane?"
Guy(in mind:"Kadalaasil pothinju) : Athu mail vazhi ayakkum
Driver:Oh,appo ithu kure divasam edukkoole angu chellan?"
Guy:"Illa...email cheyyum...oru 2-3 minute.."
Driver:"Bhayangara sambhavam analle...ivde ee computer padicharkke pattoo alle."
Driver turning towards Bhavani
Guy::"Athe..Chetta..Nila..Edathottu ponam"
Driver:Njan ee softwarinte karyam kettappo sthalam marannu..."
***************************************************************************
Relative:"Evdaa joli?"
Guy:"Technoparkilaa"
Relative:"Aha...parkilano..Avdoru Reejayai aryamo?"
Guy:"Ethja company?"
Relative:"Athonnum areela..Nalla veluthitta...Ningal okke kandittundavum."
Guy:"Ariyilla...avdorupaadu companikal undu...athilokke kure Reeja kanum"
Relative:"Oh...ivnokke kure nalayi Technoparkil cherakunnu...Reejayai ariyilla.."
****************************************************************************
Guy (chatting with his friend complaing about TL): Woh saala BC kuch nahi kartha hai...Kuthe ka **** hai"
Accidentally sends it to TL(as that chat window is also open)
TL: "Are you talking about me?"
Guy:"No, about my roommate sir...Window changed"
TL:'Oh ok,i thought it was me...Don't be so angry..Enjoy"
****************************************************************************
Guy: This code will not work"
TL:"Did you test?"
Guy:"Yes,it failed"
TL:"Okay...can you run once again?"
*****************************************************************************
Manager Review:" You have been an excellent resource...Keep up the good work."
Guy:"Thank you sir"
Manager:"However our company needs more compassion and ability to take risks from you.So your hike is 1%"
Guy:"But you only told me there should not be any risks"
Manager:"Calculated risks..In the approach followed by management, the formula we use has a normalization of equality coefficients of resources on a particular scale of improvised performers..As per that the hike has come...Any questions?"
Guy:"No Sir...I didnt understand anything you said,but thanks for 1 % hike,i can buy an Audi now."
***********************************************************************
A girl in lift:"I never use this Malayalam language..Such a cultureless language you know"
A guy accidentally steps on her foot and says sorry
Girl:"Ammai....Kannu kaanaan meledo..Chavitti methikkuvanallo"
***********************************************************************
Girl:"Ninakku Italian ano Mexican anodaa ishtam?"
Guy:Athu pinne?"
Girl:"Or Chinese...tell me whats your favourite dish?"
Guy:"Athee masala dosa"
**********************************************************************
Uncle:Enthada ninte future plans?"
Guy:"Njan mikkavarum next month USil povum ( swapnathil)..Avde oru 1 month oru conference undu..Veroru joli nokkanam..Oru Civic car nokunnundu..ishtapetta vangum."
Uncle:"Midukkan...avan njan vijaricha pole alla...valya alayi poi"
*************************************************************************
IT Guy: " I will be on sick leave."
Another guy:"What happened?"
IT Guy:" Both my nose are having cold"
**************************************************************************
Manager:"Why didn't you come yesterday?"
IT Guy:"I was on sick leave, was unwell"
Manager:" That is okay, but plan not to get sick...You are not supposed to be sick."
***************************************************************************
While heading a team for some activities, a senior IT guy had to join the team.
His mail: My name is Guna Shekhar. Everyone calls me Guna (well that's your name, that's what they call you)
I am very interesting to join (do you know what that mean even???) and co ordinate with the team.(I am privileged)
***************************************************************************************
One IT guy coming from bar , sees a car parked with registration: CH 26 (Chandigarh registration)
He says: "Look, CH , Changanacherry registration (Changanacherry is a small town in Kerala)
*****************************************************************************
An IT guy got a pepper spray for his wife's friend. Another IT guy came and asked :"What is this?"
First guy(simply): "We will make omelette at night, who will search for pepper powder, we will spray this."
Second guy:"Wow...good.." (He sprays a bit on his hand and licks then BUAAHHHHHHH)
******************************************************************************
An IT girl Soumya Nath needed to update her resume. She took her friend Praveen Rai's resume and did a search for Praveen and replaced it with Soumya.
Result: it became resume of Soumya Rai (including her address being same as Praveen's, parents name too etc)
********************************************************************************
An IT guy Salim had a car accident, his car hit badly on a big stone in the middle of the road. His friend Ganesh asked about the same.
Ganesh : "You didn't see the big stone, it was in the middle of the road"
Salim:"I saw it, I assumed that the stone will go in between the tyres and my car can go above that stone."
That's why assumptions are always bad.
*********************************************************************************
One guy needed another person to move his head a bit to open cupboard door without hitting the other guy's head and said :"Please remove your head"
*********************************************************************************
One guy is angry and types email : "It is I (not me) who is to get irritated"
*********************************************************************************
Another guy for giving gift to a mate is collecting money. In email he types:"All payments are maid (instead of made) in cash."
*********************************************************************************
IT guy: "We were told to Manav" (instead of we were told by Manav)
********************************************************************************
IT Guy: "Now what are you doing nowadays? We are stucking and she can't able to run"
*********************************************************************************************
IT Guy: "I am go throughing it" (instead of going through it)
********************************************************************************************
IT Guy: "When you will be deliver?" (regarding delivering a code)
********************************************************************************************
IT Guy:"now i am enter in account " (means Now I am able to enter in the account
*********************************************************************************
IT guy:"Who commanded this code?" (instead of commented)
*********************************************************************************
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